By Patricia Rogers | Posted Thursday, June 24, 2021
My First Time in a Bikini and My Struggle with Body Image Acceptance
Real talk time.
When I was really young, I wanted to be a model.
But I was too short, too black, and too fat.
I have always felt self-conscious about the way I look. All of my “flaws” stuck out to me growing up: my gap-toothed smile, acne that has followed me into adulthood, and my outie belly button.
My face and body were not perfect and it would weigh on me. I have four sisters and our looks were always compared. I’m a twin, but most of my sisters have the same features from our mom’s side, and me — from my Dad’s side. We are all beautiful inside and out but these things can really get into your head and cause insecurities.
So at a very young age, I gave up my dream of being a model but always loved style and fashion. I had an unhealthy obsession with the Victoria Secret Angels, and fashion editorials in magazines. I resigned to being an aspiring stylist, as I thought with my look that is the closest I could get to being in the fashion industry.
I thank God that I grew up during the time that I did though. Body image and inclusivity have gotten better since my day, but I couldn’t imagine growing up with Instagram. As much as I use social media, just like everyone there are times where it legit scares me.
The unattainable body images of "influencers" and the idea of perpetuating this wealthy perfect life can be so intimidating. And the scary part is, we are all trying to emulate an image that is simply not real. Even the Kardashians use apps to edit their photos. I can’t even imagine young people living through these expectations, on top of cyberbullying.
However, it was through social media that I gained my own self-confidence and acceptance. Thanks to the support of my online community (mostly my podcast Those Wrestling Girls, and other wrestling fans), friends, and family, I have just been putting myself out there.
During the pandemic, I bought a ring light, and since I was home more and had time I would just take photos of myself in my favorite wrestling t-shirts. The feedback was unbelievably positive.
So for the very first time, my twin sister Letty encouraged me to buy a bikini. In all 31 years of my life, I have never once felt comfortable wearing one. But we were going to Vegas and if there is any place to just fucking go for it, it’s Vegas. And once again the feedback was incredible. I almost cried because this was a moment where I came to accept my body in ways I never have.
I don’t have flawless skin, a flat tummy, or an hourglass figure, and THAT IS OKAY. I can imagine this being refreshing as everyone on Instagram tends to look like clones of each other.
My journey into self-acceptance actually helped me get my most recent brand ambassador gig with Birdiebee, founded by the Bella Twins. These two wrestlers and businesswomen have inspired me to feel comfortable in my own skin and to own my imperfections.
My honesty about not having the perfect body but still OWNING IT is the story of the brand and something I will always connect to. I am grateful that there are no “real models” on their website, including me!
As I move more into the role of an “influencer” as a podcast host, and with brand partnerships with two clothing brands, the notion that I will now have to put myself out there on social media for “work” is daunting.
Will that insecure little girl come back as my followers grow and lead me into a dark place? Only time will tell, but for now, I will continue to utilize social media features: mute, block, and comment disabling.
Support my new partnership with Birdiebee, by buying really cool tees, cropped sweatshirts, activewear, and more with inspiring messages. You can use my affiliate link here, and follow me on Instagram for special coupon codes like QUEENPR15!